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While The Pendulum is a book that discusses several aspects of existence, the subject of depression has proven itself the most interesting to me. Six years after first putting pen to paper to write this book, having read and re-read it countless times in my journey to perfecting it, I have stumbled upon the obvious: the main character possesses some of my deepest and darkest traits, which are all the undeniable result of prolonged depression. It seems thus that I have managed to pinpoint the main stages that lead to this disorder and the seemingly unshakable manner in which they affect the human psychic irremediably.
Beyond my wish to write the sequel, my ambition has settled around studying depression in others.
I have come to the point where I can understand that depression cannot and should not be medicated. Other disorders that shamelessly pump pills into people are the havoc that this monstrous deterioration of the mind as a result of permanent intrinsic conflict wreck upon people. Narcissism, bipolarity, multiplicity are only the pseudopods of depression. Narcissism compensates the feelings of uselessness, multiplicity gives way to feelings that could not otherwise be expressed, and bipolarity is the temporary downfall of either the destructive or the salvager of the two constituents of any depressed person.
In light of this idea, I would appreciate if anybody who has suffered from any of the three would share their experiences, either by answering one or all of the question below, or by writing to me in private.
Why I chose to exploit the subject of depression
1. Do you experience prolonged periods of excrutiating sadness?
The sadness that people usually experience as a part of depression is a lingering sensation of sorrow that can last indefinitely. In people with severe depression it can lead to a seemingly tangible pain that is not located somewhere in the body, but is, however, bedevilling to both the mind and the body of the suffering.
2. Would you define the above states as episodes of depression, and if so, are these episodes intermittent?
Depression never truly leaves the suffering mind, one of the main reasons being that it stems from a number of causes intertwined in an utter sense of despair and self neglect.
I would assume that it somehow relates to low levels of self esteem, as well as a feeling of incapability.
3. Do your episodes of depression have a common theme?
In my experience, depression revolves around failing to achieve a goal.
If the suffering person identifies himself/herself with said aim and meets the realisation that the present situation is in no way beneficent to achieving it, he/she caves in.
4. Do you give up on ideas before beginning to work on them?
Would you say that this happens because you are aware of your incapacity to achieve your goals?
Depression can easily lead people into failing to do the simplest things. The twisted reality of the afflicted sheds a light of uselessness upon their consciousness, that they unknowingly accept as the only reality.
5. Do you perceive a duality, were you to confront the person you become during your flare-ups with the person you are when surrounded by others?
Most people choose to hide their condition, medicating themselves and covering the marks of their despair. Suicidal episodes are not uncommon, yet to some, the conflict between wanting life to end, and wanting life to begin through their victory against the condition proves itself salvific.
6. Are you ever under the impression that you have been forsaken or that you are cursed/doomed to unhappiness?
Having met my share of depressed individuals, I have noticed that the feeling of having been forgotten/ forsaken/cursed is a prevalent motif.
Probably a decisive turning point, this idea eases the consciousness of the suicidal person, him/her not having to answer to the god who was never there to begin with.
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